Jax lost a tooth tonight! He's super excited because it was the first time. He immediately put it under his pillow & when bedtime rolled around he fell asleep much quicker & quieter than normal. Usually he puts up quite the fight! But tonight the magic words, "If you don't go to sleep, the Tooth Fairy can't come!" worked better than I hoped!
When his tooth came out he said, "My tooth looks like a baby shark tooth!" He was so cute & excited!
Baby boy is growing! I think Maryam was 7 when she lost her first tooth. What a difference!
Brett & I took Spring Break off. It was my first vacation in a year. I took last Spring Break off too. We went camping in Joshua Tree National Park with family. This year we were going camping in Yosemite National Park with Maryam's American Heritage Girls troop.
We took off for Visalia that Tuesday to see Auntie Karen, Auntie Kathy, & Brian & his family. We figured it was a good half way point.
We woke up Thursday morning to leave and some jerk stole our camping stuff out of the back of our rented pickup truck. Vacation ruined. Months of planning out the window. Hundreds of dollars down the drain. They took nearly all of our camping items. Personal stuff too! The kids' board games, football, my favorite Thirty-One bag, the kids' brand new snow globes. The list goes on and on. I'm still angry about it. Very angry about it.
Brett & I tried to recover what was left of the vacation. It was already Thursday and the kids had to go back to school Monday. We headed home to regroup. We had some friends over Thursday night. Friday morning we got up early & headed to Disneyland. We stayed at Disneyland all day. We left the park after midnight and drove to San Diego. Saturday morning we headed to the San Diego Zoo. We stayed there for quite a while! We got rained on both days but nobody complained. We live in the desert, we enjoy the rain when we get it!
Sunday we slept in, went to lunch, then spent nearly 3 hours in Barnes & Nobles I think Maryam found her new favorite place in the world!
We recovered our Spring Break. The kids had fun with Plan B. Maryam was feeling well.
We redesigned Maryam's room for her birthday. She's not a princess and Barbie kind of girl. She's a video games and books girl. I decided to embrace her passion and nurture her choices by designing her bedroom in Mario Kart decor! My BFF created the 8 bit pink toad 3D Art. Maryam's aunt Brande painted the red & green abstract toads& I did the star. Maryam's uncle Justin & Auntie Lynn got her the wall decals. Mommy made the quilt. The room looks great! More importantly, she LOVES it.
Books from Auntie Sarah
Art from Chrissy
Milky from Momom, Popop, Uncle JJ, & Auntie Brande
Maryam blowing out the candle on her birthday fudge.
Loads have happened since I last updated my blog. Not sure why I stopped. Lack of time, lack of motivation, both. Who knows? Who cares? It's interesting and sad that the blog went from being such a huge part of my life, to not a part of my life at all. I think I have some insight as to why I stopped blogging.
I used to blog so that my family & friends could stay up to date on the life & times of Maryam. Much of her life was lived minute to minute, pound to pound. Once I established that she was "healthy" and going to "make it", the blog became more about me. It was an opportunity for me to show off Maryam. To encourage other preemie moms to hang in there. Let them know, if we can do it, so can you!
I used my blog as a way to help with my crushing depression, PTSD, and help with an ego that needed a huge boost. I enjoyed the compliments from family, friends, & strangers telling me what an amazing mother I am. I loved hearing how inspiring Maryam was, & how so many loved reading her story and talking about her.
Id like to say that I've grown out of it. I haven't. And the more time I spend on Face Book, the more aware I have become that I'm not the only mother who seeks the approval of their friends and family. All through my news feed I see photos of mothers with their kids at different functions. They might as well caption it, "Look at me! I'm the best mother in the world!" I see pictures of sick kids, "Strongest kid I know." Kids on awards day, standing on stage holding up their awards, or standing with their mothers who may be more proud of their child, than the child is of themselves.
When you click on the comments section of any of these posts, they all look similar, "You're such a good Mama!", "I don't know how you do it!", "Way to go, so proud of you both!" Which are all things EVERY mother wants to hear.
Like I said before, I'm not over it. My Face Book page is chalk full of photos of my children. Post after post of, "My kids are amazing!", another lost tooth, another award, another mother/daughter function, another family outing, another sick kid.
All of these posts are designed to get the most Likes, get the most compliments, find out how many people can feel sorry for me, in essence, boost my ego. The bigger question though is, why? Why do I need your approval? Why do I have to read how amazing of a mother I am, why is it so important to me for others to see how amazing my children are?
I think it goes back to what I was talking about earlier, crushing depression, PTSD, and a much needed ego boost. I know that's why I do it. Now I'm wondering why everyone else does. Do we all need an ego boost? Do we all need to hear how amazing we are doing mothering our children? Do we all need everyone to think, "How do they do it all?"
Sounds like we all need what I need. I need to hear I'm a good mother. I need to hear, "Wow! How do you do it all?"