Mushy Alert!!

So, I guess its time to lower the crib. Boohoo. I'm a little sad! Silly, I know! I cannot get over how fast "normal" babies grow! Jax is just over 10 months old and he's crawling around the house, trying to pull himself up on the furniture and going from laying down to sitting all by himself. With Maryam milestones were HUGE accomplishments. I celebrated every single one of them with pride and a joy that was indescribable. Mostly because when she was first born, I couldn't see how she could possibly ever accomplish anything. She was so small, on full life support and just didn't look like a baby. Even when she finally came home, I just couldn't see into her future. We heard things like possible CP, obstructed or limited vision and chronic lung disease. She came home on 14 meds that were administered anywhere from once a day to 4 times a day. And then there was the different feeding tubes, that we had to place ourselves and oxygen that we had to keep track of. I was so paranoid that she'd run out of a med or oxygen or I'd place the tube wrong and hurt her, that when she did accomplish something I was shocked! It was kind of like, "oh yeah! You're a baby! You might start doing 'baby' stuff!" And when she did, I was so proud of her and elated because, like I said, I was shocked! I couldn't picture her ever doing anything "normal."
I never imaged having another baby. Jax was definitely an "oops" sort of thing. I was scared to death when I finally realized I was pregnant. I couldn't imagine loving him. I didn't know how I could love anyone as much as I love Maryam. My heart was full of her and Brett. Then, it's like my heart grew! It made enough space for me to love him as much as I love her. Amazing.
Watching Jax grow is a totally different experience than watching Maryam grow. With Jax I find myself getting sad when he meets another milestone. I'm happy for him! But I'm sad for me. Lame, I know. Ugh. But knowing that this is my last time going through all of this is sad. Knowing that rocking him to sleep will someday stop being necessary and I'll no longer have a baby to rock. When he stopped nursing I was sad because I knew I'd never get to experience that again. I never got to really experience it with Maryam so I cherished and enjoyed nursing Jax. Now to see him crawl, pull himself up and feed himself, I find myself sad thinking about him walking, running and talking. My last little baby is going to grow up! SUCKAGE.
Friday Jax has part 2 of his kidney surgery. In this procedure the surgeon goes up the urethra to pull our the shunt that is currently running from his kidney, through his ureter, and into his bladder. By now the ureter should be completely healed to the point that the shunt is no longer necessary. He'll go under general anesthesia. I HATE THAT.