Playing catch up

 Loads have happened since I last updated my blog. Not sure why I stopped. Lack of time, lack of motivation, both. Who knows? Who cares? It's interesting and sad that the blog went from being such a huge part of my life, to not a part of my life at all. I think I have some insight as to why I stopped blogging. 

I used to blog so that my family & friends could stay up to date on the life & times of Maryam. Much of her life was lived minute to minute, pound to pound. Once I established that she was "healthy" and going to "make it", the blog became more about me. It was an opportunity for me to show off Maryam. To encourage other preemie moms to hang in there. Let them know, if we can do it, so can you! 

I used my blog as a way to help with my crushing depression, PTSD, and help with an ego that needed a huge boost. I enjoyed the compliments from family, friends, & strangers telling me what an amazing mother I am. I loved hearing how inspiring Maryam was, & how so many loved reading her story and talking about her. 

Id like to say that I've grown out of it.  I haven't. And the more time I spend on Face Book, the more aware I have become that I'm not the only mother who seeks the approval of their friends and family. All through my news feed I see photos of mothers with their kids at different functions. They might as well caption it, "Look at me! I'm the best mother in the world!" I see pictures of sick kids, "Strongest kid I know." Kids on awards day, standing on stage holding up their awards, or standing with their mothers who may be more proud of their child, than the child is of themselves. 

When you click on the comments section of any of these posts, they all look similar, "You're such a good Mama!", "I don't know how you do it!", "Way to go, so proud of you both!" Which are all things EVERY mother wants to hear. 

Like I said before, I'm not over it. My Face Book page is chalk full of photos of my children. Post after post of, "My kids are amazing!", another lost tooth, another award, another mother/daughter function, another family outing, another sick kid.

All of these posts are designed to get the most Likes, get the most compliments, find out how many people can feel sorry for me, in essence, boost my ego. The bigger question though is, why? Why do I need your approval? Why do I have to read how amazing of a mother I am, why is it so important to me for others to see how amazing my children are?

I think it goes back to what I was talking about earlier, crushing depression, PTSD, and a much needed ego boost. I know that's why I do it. Now I'm wondering why everyone else does. Do we all need an ego boost? Do we all need to hear how amazing we are doing mothering our children? Do we all need everyone to think, "How do they do it all?" 

Sounds like we all need what I need. I need to hear I'm a good mother. I need to hear, "Wow! How do you do it all?"