As many of you know, Prematurity and Prematurity Awareness are two things I'm very passionate about. When anyone asks to hear Maryam or Jax's birth stories, I'm more than happy to share my experience. Those experiences are part of who I am today. Without having gone through all I've been through as a mother, I wouldn't be half the woman I am today. I use to wonder, "Why God? Why me? Why this baby?" Now I say, "Thank God. Thank you for giving me these babies." I wouldn't have it any other way.
If I could take away all of their pain, I would. If I could take back every needle prick, tube insertion and scar, I would. But since I can't, I chose to love every single scar those needle pricks and tubes made. I make beautiful scrapbook pages of their NICU stay. I make the most out of every situation. I learn from everything they've gone through. I have done and continue to do what any mother would do, love. I'm GRATEFUL God made me a preemie mom, I wouldn't have it any other way.
How God Chooses Preemie Moms
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his
instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he
observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.
Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles.
"Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."